MY WHITE PRIVILEGE STORY TIME!

Once when I was living in Maryland, I was driving at 11 pm down a road with a very confusing intersection. There were three different roads all crossing at one spot at odd angles that would have made H.P. Lovecraft horny for the old ones. This meant that there there a tangle of traffic lights.

I was tired, it was night, and I ran a red light because I thought the road I was travelling down had a green light.

If you’ve ever lived in Maryland, you know the struggle is real.

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ABOUT THEM BLM RIOTS…

On Facebook, there is this man who went to the same school as I did – and before I go on, this has to be said: the high school I went to was terrible. It was an extreme-right parochial Christian school aimed to stamp out people cookie-cutter-like and seed them into the world so as to cover the planet in brambles and nightshade. And I should say here: #NotAllChristians. I’m specifically talking about the horror show I was raised in.

Anyway…

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NARCOLEPSY NIGHT SCHOOL

Do you have a friend with narcolepsy? I have two!

No, I am not going to give you one of them. What is your problem?! First of all, your question seems to indicate a very lax attitude towards human trafficking. Second of all, how am I going to mail one to you?

You have to think these things through.

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HOW TO GET INTO EXERCISE (For People Who LOATHE Exercising)

Does the mere thought of exercise make you too tired to exercise? Does the thought of going to a gym inspire you to run away from a gym? Would you rather pull your teeth out with rusty pliers than exercise because screw this, I know where cake is?

Me too!

But I now weigh the same as I did when I was a late teenager and am only getting stronger. I love weightlifting, and this coming from someone who despised the thought of exercising at all.

How?

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James Klein – Secret Base Janitor

All I gotta to say is I ain’t got time for anyone’s bullshit, you know? That includes you, your friend here, your one-way mirror over there that’s supposed to make me think it’s just a mirror and I am not being watched. Hello there, assholes!

“Not being watched…” Ha! You jackasses know where I worked, right?

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