DON’T DO “ANCESTOR WORK” (If You’re White)

Over and over again in witchcraft circles, it’s heavily encouraged to do “Ancestor Work.” This is working with your ancestors – people in your genetic line – to gain wisdom and insight.

The problem is I am White (barely). By this, I mean my mom’s side of the family are the WASPIEST of WASPs and my father’s side of the family was fresh off the boat from Campania at the turn of the 20th Century: a time when Italians were not considered people, much less White people.

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WELP, HERE I AM AT A LAKE…

I was told by a beloved and beautiful woman that I need a vacation, and the thought filled me with a light sense of cosmic horror and existential dread.

On looking into this, I came to the realization that I have never had a relaxing vacation in my life. I have had numerous vacations, including ones to Canada, Italy, and even the far flung world of Disney in Florida, which is mathematically provable as the worst state in the history of mankind.

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MY THEATRE REVIEWS!

What many do not realize about me (myself included) is that I am a tremendous fan of live theatre! So much so that I will intentionally misspell the word in order to gain Pretention Fun Bucks™.

There is nothing like live performance in its purest form: YouTube prank videos performed by attention-starved sociopaths. Second to that is live theatre. And sure, one could spend hundreds, or even tens, of dollars on tickets to watch a play performed by seasoned professionals. As if THAT is live theatre! A purist like me needs a more visceral, raw, and real theatre experience…

The kind you can EXCLUSIVELY find in Elementary School drama productions.

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I AM BEING BLACKMAILED!

Just a few days ago, I received the most extraordinary email from someone named Jason Bell at jasonbunga1998@yahoo.com. He emailed me with an amazing business offer! See for yourself.

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WHEN TO INTRODUCE YOUR SEX DUNGEON

Literally no one has ever asked me when one should introduce their secret Sex Dungeon to the potential boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/nosy parrot.

This is a mistake.

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