MY THEATRE REVIEWS!

What many do not realize about me (myself included) is that I am a tremendous fan of live theatre! So much so that I will intentionally misspell the word in order to gain Pretention Fun Bucks™.

There is nothing like live performance in its purest form: YouTube prank videos performed by attention-starved sociopaths. Second to that is live theatre. And sure, one could spend hundreds, or even tens, of dollars on tickets to watch a play performed by seasoned professionals. As if THAT is live theatre! A purist like me needs a more visceral, raw, and real theatre experience…

The kind you can EXCLUSIVELY find in Elementary School drama productions.

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MY PRESTIGIOUS AUTIST HERITAGE

Do you know what I have in common with a lot of famous people in the past? No, I’m not dead. No, I have heard of bathing. No, I’m not a malcontented prig with a…

What the hell is wrong with you? Would you please just let me get on with it?

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HI! I’M AUTISTIC! HOW ARE YOU?

When I was 48, I was diagnosed with Autism. When I was 49, I accepted my diagnosis, then raged against it. I am now 50 and I’m still dealing with the aftermath.

In 2018, my doctor announced that I have “Asperger’s Syndrome” with the same gravitas as telling me that I have a skin tag.

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NARCOLEPSY NIGHT SCHOOL

Do you have a friend with narcolepsy? I have two!

No, I am not going to give you one of them. What is your problem?! First of all, your question seems to indicate a very lax attitude towards human trafficking. Second of all, how am I going to mail one to you?

You have to think these things through.

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James Klein – Secret Base Janitor

All I gotta to say is I ain’t got time for anyone’s bullshit, you know? That includes you, your friend here, your one-way mirror over there that’s supposed to make me think it’s just a mirror and I am not being watched. Hello there, assholes!

“Not being watched…” Ha! You jackasses know where I worked, right?

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