There have been a lot of starts and stops with this entry, so please bear with me.
The problem is I am very distractible. I have a lot of interests and they all know my name and the route I take home from work. Everything is fascinating so I am chasing these interests in a frenzied rush.
I want to prove to you that yes, I have indeed been writing. Here are the various stops and starts with this article:
Continue reading “Procrastination: Am I Spelling That Right?”
Every time I get out, they pull me back in! I thought I was done with chapter six. Oh boy, was I wrong. I had to go back and complete the action, then set things up for the next chapter. NOW I am ready to move onto chapter seven.
Please pay no attention to the title of this piece. It was written for illustrative purposes only. This article is about humor in narrative.
I am STILL slogging through chapter six. I’ve been here for days. I’m not blocked or anything, though. It’s just that the chapter needed an enema, and it’s taking longer than I thought
It’s Christmas Eve, for Chrissakes. Even God rested.
Does seasonal affective disorder get you down? Does enforced joy make you grind your teeth? Has it occurred to you that the VERY LAST thing the sleeping baby Jesus needs is a frickin’ drum solo, and it bothers you that it doesn’t seem to bother anyone else?
I got the carpet steam cleaned. What does THAT tell you?
Actually, I made some good progress. Chapter six was a little anemic so I am still fleshing it out.
Samuel Johnson, noted dictionary maker, large person, blowhard, and wig wearer, said that when writing one should find their favorite parts and cut them out. Reading Johnson’s fiction, you can tell he cut out all the best bits he ever wrote. Johnson was very quotable but not great at fiction. But not everyone gets a slavish biographer secretly jotting down their bon mots on napkins.
I wish I did! Anyone want to be my Boswell? It’s pro bono. I promise the curse words and blasphemy will flow like sweet, sweet wine!
A vital part of writing is editing. Sometimes you have to cut whole chapters because they stop the plot dead in their tracks.
I had to do that. In my zeal to get my character from A to B, I shorted out the climax of the plot. I had to trust that the audience could accept the compression of time through editing. It was getting to be like the movie “Return of the King.”
Oh! It’s over! That was a pretty good… oh, no it’s not finished. NOW it’s over. Let’s get our coats and… damn it! This has GOT to be the end. Look! They’re leaving… oh shit.
Incidentally, that’s only the very beginning of the cursing I can do. Cursing, or as I like to call it, “poetry of the streets,” can be an impressive add-on to any expression. Did I impressive? Nay, beautiful!
I am not suggesting that you hone your ability to express yourself through words that causes polite society to clutch their pearls and stagger towards the fainting couch. I do encourage it, but it’s not for everyone.
You say it is for you? You’re *&(#$& right it is!
If you have to cuss in a novel but want to make sure that it is adolescent-friendly, I suggest you switch your font to “wingdings.” Sure, your book will be unpublishable, but you (and by extension I) will know the dirty secret in your 70K+ word novel.
On second thought, cut that part out. You might as well print your book out in “Comic Sans.” Yeah, it’s best to leave all the sailor talk out and concentrate on your story. Be efficient, for $#(&* sake.
Don’t delete your darlings, though. Keep them. You can always use the ideas for another project. Save your work and be proud of your mastery of the linguistic dark side!
Editing for the win!
The BIGGEST minutiae 